Environmental Apocalypse Stock Photo Theater

Coffee Mug Guy: “OK guys, we’ve been hearing a lot of doom and gloom lately about climate change and nature collapse. Things may be getting bad, but our investors pay us to make money. Let’s brainstorm and find a way to make money in this environment. Let’s have some drinks, play some cornhole and figure out a way to profit from the world going to hell.”

Teal Shirt: “We could buy up water resources as water becomes scarce, and then charge people more for it.”

Short Sleeve Shirt: “Let’s invest in companies that aren’t environmentally friendly but call themselves green. It will only work for a short time, buy then we will move on to another strategy.”

Tall Guy with drink: “Let’s put the word sustainable in front of all the funds we sell, but not change anything, and raise the prices.”

Coffee Mug Guy: “All great ideas! We got this!”

Coffee Mug Guy: “Data Dan, tell me some good news. What do the numbers tell us?”

Data Dan: “It turns out that when you destroy the world, the markets collapse and most all assets become worthless. And if you have valuable assets, there is no market left to trade them on, so they have little to no value. I’m beginning to think unfettered capitalism might be a bad idea.”

Coffee Mug Guy: “Dan, you’re fired. Kyle, give me some good news. Make me some money from the collapse of society.”

Kyle: “Oh, I’m resigned to my fate. I’m playing Galaga over here.”

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash