Environmental Apocalypse Stock Photo Theater
Coffee Mug Guy: “Data Dan, we need to get marketing working on our new client, The Metals Company.”
Data Dan: “Aren’t they the ones that want to dredge the ocean floor to scoop up potato-sized nodules of rare metals.”
Coffee Mug Guy: “Yep.”
Data Dan: “Dredging the ocean floor isn’t a good look.”
Coffee Mug Guy: “Conscientious mineral extraction.”
Data Dan: “Did marketing come up with that?”
Coffee Mug Guy: “No, that was their old agency. We’ve got to come up with something better.”
Data Dan: “How about dredging.”
Coffee Mug Guy: “We will leave that to marketing. I need you to find me data on how damaging dark oxygen is.”
Data Dan: “Dark oxygen is good.”
Coffee Mug Guy: “Then why is it called dark.”
Data Dan: “Dark oxygen is produced by electric charges between the metal nodules in the ocean. The electric current separates the hydrogen from the oxygen in water. It is the first time scientists have observed oxygen being produced in nature. It is a pretty monumental finding. They call it dark because it was unexpected.”
Coffee Mug Guy: “Here’s my thinking. Dark oxygen sounds ominous. The Metals Company says that by removing the nodules from the bottom of the ocean they will protect us from the dangers of dark oxygen.”
Data Dan: “You want to sell people the notion that oxygen is bad.”
Coffee Mug Guy: “Just dark oxygen. By removing the nodules we eliminate the risk of dark oxygen. It’s a win-win.”
Data Dan. “Other than for oxygen breathers.”
Coffee Mug Guy: “Look oxygen isn’t going to buy daddy a timeshare in Miami.”
Data Dan. “You’re right. You don’t need oxygen for that.”
Coffee Mug Guy: “When can you get me data on the threat of dark oxygen?”
Data Dan: “I’ll have it to you on Monday.”
Kyle: Aren’t you out next week?”
Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash