Everyone I Know is Lonely

And God's so far away.

Photo by Dean Hergert on Unsplash

A loneliness epidemic is spreading across America with a poll from 2024 revealing that 1 in 3 Americans felt lonely at least once a week. Loneliness is impacting young people in America more than most, with rates of loneliness significantly higher among those aged 18-25 compared to older adults. This didn’t just happen overnight. The issue has been growing due to cultural changes, the pandemic, social media use, and other factors.

A 2021 study found that 61% of young adults (18-25) reported experiencing serious loneliness. Social media promised us more meaningful human connections, but at best it can only connect people. We are animals that crave human interaction - that means using our five senses to experience our fellow humans. Chatting to someone else through social media, or even worse, to an AI chatbot doesn’t replace that. And as those in the tech world begin to promise us that it will - well, that isn’t going to end well.

An underappreciated aspect of the loneliness epidemic is the change in societal structures that keeps us working more and longer just to scrape by, leaving little time for community connections that enhance both our lives and the lives of our communities.

The pandemic didn’t help, limiting the time a whole generation had during those already awkward adolescent years to get to know other people.

Loneliness is closely linked to mental health issues like anxiety and depression, which are also prevalent among young adults.

Our tech overlords aren’t helping.

Earlier this year, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg promoted artificial intelligence companions as a solution to the U.S.’ loneliness epidemic, claiming the average American has “fewer than three friends” but desires “meaningfully more.”

Thanks Mark, but I don’t think we need your help on this one.

More from Mark: “I think people are going to want a system that knows them well and that kind of understands them in the way that their feed algorithms do.”

Is that the same algorithm that sends me all the information in the world on turmeric for days after I look up turmeric for a recipe, or sells my personal information to companies if I look up some very personal medical information - then no thank you.

Social media companies like Mr. Zuckerberg's want to commodify “hanging out”, you know what you did with your friends for countless hours as a kid, adolescent and young adult, getting absolutely nothing of value done, but learning how to listen, communicate, find your voice, test the boundaries of human interaction, get things wrong, and get things right. This is a long, slow, iterative process where you lose some connections along the way and likely form more. It’s messy, but it is supposed to me. That is part of being human. We don’t want algorithms do help us with human in interactions. They can’t. They’re not human. But, hanging out hasn’t been fully commodified yet, so it is going to be.

Mark Zuckerberg (and many others) see profit in our loneliness. They are not trying to fix it, which millennia of human interaction shows us is pretty easy to do if you just put in the time. No, they are treating your loneliness like a chronic condition that can only be managed, not cured - because it is profitable to keep you chronically on your screen, not to cure you - which involves putting the screen away and being human out in the world.. Well adjusted people who are out improving the community, making personal connections in the real physical world, are not profitable.

Social media and AI chatbot “friends” are not there to help you. They are a leash.

Degrowth is the answer.

Our society has become atomized - the breaking apart of society from one focused on community, or family into isolated and lonely individuals.

It sometimes gets lost in the weeds of degrowth policy (UBI, four day workweek, right to repair, etc.) that following a degrowth path leads us to a place that returns community to primacy in how we organize our societies. The degrowth path leads to the type of community that we all say we want but don’t have the time and the resources for because we have to keep running just to stand still.

That is the whole ballgame.

Slow down. Put your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your community first, and then figure out how to make markets and economics and policy that can serve that. Putting economic growth first and saying we will get to well-beign through a chatbot is just fucking insane.

Social media isn’t evil. It is just a tool. I use it, you use it. You are reading this on a platform that grew out of social media, is often described as a social media platform, and is trying to grow by offering users more bells and whistles like other social media platforms.

The problem is that those in power in our current system will never put limits on social media (limiting it for children for example) or take responsibility for things like hate speech or violence incitement on their platforms because that would interfere with profit.

No one in a position of leadership/power in the social media space is leading. If they were, they would see that a technology that destroys a community will eventually destroy all profit. But I guess they think they will be safe in their bunkers by then.

This feeling of loneliness that more and more people feel leave more of us susceptible to someone or some movement that promises community and belonging, no matter how empty those promises are.

The rise of far right politics and fascism today has happened before. It happened leading up World War II. At that time, the people in Germany felt humiliated and powerless in the wake of World War I, and a movement that helped them feel a sense of community and power took advantage of that. That same formula is being used again, and not just in the United States.

The good news is, that when people feel powerless and alone, they are also susceptible to good ideas that offer them community and power. But degrowth, a well-being economy, doughnut economics, and all the other ideas that lead to a post-growth economy don’t have huge media empires behind them.

In the end they don’t need that, but they do need the word to spread. That will help, and we look forward to the day when those media empires are doing hit-pieces on degrowth because they fear it. But in the meantime, here is what to do.

Selling Degrowth

Individual Actions

Engaging in activities that foster social connection, limiting social media use, and seeking professional help for mental health concerns. And “touch some grass” for God’s sake. Studies show - and we knew all along - that being out in nature, while doing nothing that contributes to GDP - is good for us. Doctors prescribe a walk in the woods for Christ’s sake, because they know we need it. And when you take that walk in the woods, take friends.

Build Community

Participating in community organizations, volunteer work, and social groups can help build a sense of belonging and encourage others to do so. Build these groups if they don’t exist.

Policy Changes

Public health initiatives, accessible transportation, and policies that support family leave can create environments that promote social connection. We are a far way away from these things in many places, but people want them. Keep demanding them.

Reforming Social Media

Technology companies can play a role in promoting healthier digital interactions and fostering real-world connections. They need more regulation. You should own your digital self. You should be able to choose the algorithm you want to recommend things to you, or have no algorithm at all. Great power with no responsibility leaves community destroyed, not improved.

Young people crave connection. They are lonely. Show them that getting us on a degrowth path will help build the community that will bring more human connection, and with it, more purpose to their lives.

And if you know Mark Zuckerberg, find him a fourth, then a fifth, then a sixth friend. If he spent more time with them, he’d have less time to “help” the rest of us.