Make Empathy Great Again

There is a device for that.

Photo by Andrea Bertozzini on Unsplash

Mother’s day was yesterday here in the United States. It was also Mother’s Day Australia, Canada, China, Germany, India, Japan, the Netherlands, Turkey and about 100 countries total. Other nations celebrate Mother’s Day at different times in April and May. So happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there.

You hold this world together and aren’t appreciated as much as you should be.

But I’ve got a plan for that.

A new rite of passage

We have a shortage of empathy in the world today. There have been many essays written about it, which offer a number of suggested solutions. Some aren’t bad ideas, and some are. But most simply ask us to use our imagination to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. That’s not bad. But, it’s not enough. It is better to actually physically walk in someone’s shoes, to experience their lives as much as you can, to feel their pain.

What I’m thinking of takes action. It asks men (or someone in that man’s life) to invest in a small device that you can buy for about $40, and will teach that man an empathy that he may never have thought necessary.

It can change the world.

What I’m talking about is hooking up most men to a “period sympathy device” to let them experience what women go through every month.

A period sympathy device is a portable, wearable device that uses electrical pulses to simulate, or provide relief from, menstrual cramps. They operate by sending small electrical impulses to abdominal muscles, causing contractions that mimic the pain of prostaglandins during menstruation.

While women are going through the pain and discomfort of their periods, our culture expects them to carry on with the everyday tasks of work, child care, housekeeping, community involvement and everything else they do in our day to day lives.

You generally don’t see women screaming in pain in the streets due to their periods, or curled up in a ball on the sidewalk, unable to function. That is because they have learned to deal with pain and discomfort and carry on. Men generally have no idea what is going on. They should.

What are these divices?

Many period simulation devices, such as those popularized by the company Somedays, are used to demonstrate menstrual pain to men, bringing awareness to the 80% of menstruating individuals who experience it.

A TENS machine, or Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation unit, is a device that uses low-voltage electrical currents to relieve pain by stimulating nerves.

TENS machines and simulators are available on Amazon.com, Target and other retailers. If you don’t want to get one from a big box store, just search online for one. There are many options.

Electrode pads are placed on the lower abdomen to simulate or alleviate pain. These devices allow users to adjust the intensity of the simulation or relief, mirroring the varying severity of menstrual cramps. Most of these types of machines are small, wearable, and designed for discreet use during daily activities. So a man can wear one all day, for a few days a month to simulate what his mother, wife, sister, girlfriend or female co-workers are going through.

See for yourself

Here’s an amusing video of three men using a TENS Muscle stimulation. It helps demonstrate how unprepared most men are for the average level of cramping that comes along with a woman’s monthly period.

Here’s a man trying to give a rock climbing demonstration, while hooked up to a TENS machine.

Here’s another one that’s a little more succinct - from CBS news.

These videos are a whole internet phenomena, so knock yourself out watching men writhe in what we hope turns out to be empathetic pain.

A modest proposal

I don’t think it is unreasonable to make any man that makes laws, lobbies for laws, or gives money to groups that look to make laws that disproportionally impact women’s reproductive health - should be required to wear a period cramp simulator turned up to average period cramp levels (a 5 on the TENS simulator) while on camera, and while lobbying for or writing these laws.

Young men in high school and college should be hooked up to these machines to show them what the other half of their schools go through each month. I’m sure some parents would object and not want their sons to participate. But if this was available when I was in high school, I can see my parents agreeing to it. They would likely have been amused by my plight.

On father’s day (or on mother’s day) - mother’s and daughters should give the fathers in their lives a cramp simulator (there are many out there and they are very affordable). Families can figure out a schedule for themselves, but asking dad to wear the simulator for a few days each month sounds reasonable.

Confession

I have never experienced the joy of a cramp simulator, but I’d be happy to if my daughters and wife want me to. I think my son’s should try it too (maybe not on the 9 year old just yet).

We are in a strange time in our history. There are many places today where hard won women’s rights are being compromised or rolled back. That would be much harder to do, if whole generations of men better understood what it was like to lose control of your body for a few days each month, while being expected to carry on as though nothing was happening.

Get back to how it used to be

The point of hooking up men to a period simulation device is to help build empathy. But there is another alternative that is more in keeping with a degrowth tradition.

Instead of requiring women to work through the pain in order to be productive during their periods, we could just surrender to mother nature, and not worry about productivity and economic growth at the expense of a woman’s comfort.

Throughout history, especially in indigenous cultures, menstruation was not a taboo, and was considered a sacred, spiritual, and natural part of life. A woman’s monthly cycle was often referred to as “moon time” and was seen as a time when women are in close connection with the earth, the moon, and the Creator.

Menstruating women were often regarded as possessing heightened spiritual energy and wisdom, and their cycles were linked to the natural rhythms of the earth and the moon. This reverence meant they were treated with great respect and given space to rest and reflect.

In traditions such as the Haudenosaunee (Iroquois Confederacy), women would retreat during their periods to honor their spiritual connection. This “moon time” period involved resting away from physical labor and community rituals, allowing them to heal, rejuvenate, and focus on inner reflection. Similar practices were seen among the Cree and Ojibwe, who might stay in a secluded “moon lodge” or “menstrual tent”.

Instead of expecting women to stay productive and pursue economic growth during their menstrual cycle, we could focus on supporting them as a community.

So let’s see male keynote speakers at conferences give their keynote speeches through gritted teeth while their TENS unit is turned up to 5. Let’s see a president give a state of the Union while getting waves of electric shocks delivered to his abdomen. Let’s see more men in power demonstrate their solidarity with the women in their lives by publicly submitting themselves to period simulation demonstrations.

Let’s make these demonstrations a more routine part of education for young men. Let’s normalize empathy again, and maybe just step back from the misguided illusion of forever growth, and realize that we are just part of a bigger cycle of life, death and regeneration.

Father’s Day is coming up in a month. I have a great gift idea.